5 Seconds Summary:
One of the toxic traits is being a perfectionist that is want something to be done in certain ways which cause more harm to productivity and relationship with others. Identify and overcome this toxic trait by deep journaling, talking to someone you trust and being aware of yourself.
I have been working a lot lately to a point of reaching the cusp of burnout.
I’m not there yet and thank God I take a few steps back before I reach my full burnout potential.
This leads me to the question of why I’m having so many things to do that bring me to this state.
On top of that, I feel like certain people rely on me too much that which leads to the feeling of suffocation.
And so I think.
*They didn’t*
This leads me to talk about the person to another colleague to express my frustration.
I start to talk bad about other people.
Classic low-esteem behaviour.
Do you know what is the main problem?
The main problem is that I think that my work is perfect that I disregard, and discredit other people’s work.
And feel like they’re relying on me
(Self-absorbed much?)
That’s why perfectionist is one toxic trait.
On top of that, I think that it is my obligation to do all the tasks on my own because well, other people just don’t get it.
I spend more time doing things that are not my work in the first place.
I do more things that I’m not supposed to be doing like correcting or editing other people’s work.
And I preach to other people to do it my way.
Classic, perfectionist (douchbag) in action
Then I blame them and pity myself as if I’m the victim.
“Until a woman identifies the inner abusive, fear-driven voice as a separate entity—her Inner Mean Girl—she has no choice but to be a victim to its self-sabotaging advice.
This is why she keeps repeating self-sabotaging patterns and stays stuck in the continuous loop of feeling inadequate, unhappy, and overwhelmed, no matter what she does. ”
I need to stop this toxic trait before it becomes part of my personality.
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How does being a perfectionist affects productivity?
It’s quite obvious, perfectionists procrastinate all the time.
Because they think that the works need to be done of certain quality and need to meet a certain standard that the work gets pushed off too often.
Like it’s better to do nothing other than perfect.
This ends up with the work getting piled up quickly.
the world doesn’t stop rotating just because it’s not in the perfect rotation
It will keep on spinning
So does the life
It’s the harsh truth, that sometimes being imperfect is required so just we can get moving.
For me it’s quite funny when I noticed that I tend to do the team works all on my own, it leads me getting overwhelms.
So all of my work gets neglected and I end up doing more things that I should be doing
It’s counterproductive.
And I need to stop.
If you’re like me, just know we are not responsible for everything
It’s tough my friend, I know.
But we need to be ok with what other people got to offer
It doesn’t have to be a certain way like we think it is supposed to be
Related Post: 7 Things Unproductive People Do To Be Unnecessarily Busy
How does being a perfectionist affects the relationship?
Perfectionist is annoying.
There I said it.
By being perfectionists, we are being too critical of the mistake and, too judgemental of other
Like we are so perfect, right?
The thing that we probably didn’t realize is that people have certain expectations, limitations, and abilities.
What we think might be right, but there are high chances that other people might offer something better
Rather than being our stupid selves of wanting things to be perfect in our standard, we overlook the possibility of being collaborative with others.
And in my case, it’s worst as I impart negativity by talking about it to other people
It highlights that the problem is me.
I’m the toxic one
The one that wants it to be perfect and expects the same from others but when it didn’t happen, I talk bad about it.
It will affect the relationship on so many levels.
Practical ways to overcome the toxic trait of being a perfectionist
Identify
Number one, identify.
How to know if we are being a perfectionist?
Psychology Today has this perfectionism test you can try to identify whether you have this trait or not.
(it had 46 questions, mind you.)
Other than answering this quiz is there any other way to know whether we are a perfectionist?
Yes, you can compare it with other signs of the perfectionist
If you google, you’ll get plenty of articles pointing out the classic, subtle or toxic signs of being too perfectionist.
But it boils down to this: being self-aware.
Being self-aware
Being aware of how we respond, act and feel about certain things, it’ll help in indicating the trait and tendencies that we have
“Being self-aware means being honest with yourself and being open to improving your behavior habits.
By checking in with yourself, you may recognize that the problem is not always the other person. It could be you too.”
I think the majority of people including me don’t know how to be constantly aware of ourselves.
I mean self-awareness requires practice and it’s not easy, to begin with
The main reason is that we don’t pause and reflect daily.
This brings me to the next point
Do deep journaling
Journaling will help only if you put your thoughts into it.
I know this because I journal routinely, but the content of it is more on my daily to-do list
So I’ve been out of touch with my emotion lately and I masked it with being busy.
Rather than journal for the sake of routine, do deep journaling and talk with your inner self.
And check on the emotion and inner feeling
I know it sounds corny.
It is.
But the thing is, to adjust the toxic trait we are required to know a little more about ourselves.
What’s the trigger?
How we can minimize the friction of wanting it to be perfect?
How to let go when it’s not perfect?
I need to take my own advice and ask myself those questions
Talk to someone you trust
To be honest, I didn’t notice I possess this toxic trait until my husband pointed it out.
As I talk to him about what happened at work and how it affects me,
His immediate nonchalant response was;
Why do you think it’s your responsibility to do all those?
No one asks you to do it. And why do you get upset about it?
You should focus on your work and that’s what matters
And I was taken aback.
I mean he is right, though
I’m glad someone pointed out my flaws.
And as he said it out loud, he’s making the statement more valid
No one asks me to do things till I reach the point of overwhelming
No one asks me to do it alone
I’m the one who created this mess on my own, and I blame other people and think that they are incompetent.
*Sheesh*
How toxic is that?
And I even dared to talk about the other person behind their back, just because I think I am right and my work it’s perfect ( it’s not)
I do feel silly as I write this down.
People are not responsible for my feeling. I’m the one responsible for it.
Talk to someone you trust and probably it’ll help you understand more about yourself.
I know this is difficult to accept or acknowledge. TBH, I have such a difficult time pinning down my thoughts for this article
It’s difficult but it’s the truth.
All of us are imperfect and are works in progress.
So be humane, and celebrate the imperfection
Let go of the idea to be perfect all the time
And embrace our nature as a human.
The recovering perfectionist,
xx
